How to increase self-love?
Many of my clients tell me: I know I need to love myself more but I don’t know how.
Here is how.
There is always room to love ourselves more, to recognize ourselves more, to accept ourselves more, and moving forward on that path requires daily actions.
The relationship we have with ourselves is like any other relationship – but it is the most important one of all. You can tell someone you love them every day, but if your actions are not consistent with that “saying you love them”, no one will believe you. Similarly, you can tell yourself 1001 times in the mirror that you love yourself, but if the way you treat yourself remains the same, nothing changes.
Awareness:
I always say that 90% of healing is to become aware. Realizing that you can love yourself more is already a big step. If you are still reading this, it is because you are curious to see if this is possible for you. We see that we can love ourselves more when we accept that we have patterns that no longer serve us. When we realize that we are living far from our potential because we are holding on to the past, or because we blame ourselves for something, or because we hold others responsible for keeping us stuck in the now. Something inside is pressing to show us that something is off. It evidences the disconnection between who we are being and our essence, and then we see clearly the need to love ourselves more.
Intention:
Ok, cool, you figured it out… “if I loved myself more, I would feel deserving of more”. You’ve seen that there’s an opportunity to love yourself more and you’re willing to do it….
So, what now? It sounds easy, “I’m going to love myself more” but how do I move from where I am today?
Action:
Increasing self-love requires action. You have to take action on a daily basis. Begin by daily nurturing that relationship with yourself by honoring what is loving to you.
And how do you do that?
It’s going to be uncomfortable. Because being loving to yourself requires that you take ownership of your life and to open up to possibilities that take away excuses that have allowed you to maintain the status quo which, for what is worth, is comfortable because it is familiar.
Embracing this responsibility means that you start taking small steps like, for example: instead of feeding thoughts that destroy you, you are going to interrupt them and say to yourself “this thought is not loving to me, I am not going to go with this story”; You are going to eat less of the foods that you know are bad for you. Not because it’s “right”, but because you notice it’s not loving to you and you decide differently; If interacting in x way with certain people, is not loving to you, how can you relate differently, not for them but for you; When you look in the mirror and notice that you focus with rejection on wrinkles, or on fat parts, you interrupt: “NOT loving to me”, and take yourself to see those parts of you that you do like, or to congratulate yourself just for changing the dynamic. That’s being loving to yourself.
This is how you begin to create a solid foundation of self-love. It is not from affirmations; it is not from expecting others to treat you lovingly so that you can love yourself. Because your life is not about others, it is about you. Because even if others don’t treat you the way you want to be treated, I assure you that as you love yourself more, others will learn how to treat you, or you will have the true strength to tell them: “You don’t treat me like that anymore. If you’re going to keep doing it, you are no longer welcomed”.
In short, the constant question must be:
Is this loving to myself?
- Is this thought loving to me?
- Is this story I’m telling myself loving to me?
- Is relating to me in this way loving to myself?
- Is being in this relationship loving to me?
- Is being in this job loving to me?
- Is eating this loving to myself?
- Is moving my body in this manner loving to me?
- Is looking at myself in the mirror in this way loving to me?
- Etc. you get the idea.
Once you begin to have this disposition, the path opens up. By asking yourself this question and consequently acting on it, the right people, the right resources, the right opportunities begin to appear to help you move along this path more easily. This path that is for life. This path of loving and recognizing ourselves more and more, because it is through self-recognition that we unfold more authentically in this world.
It is in hearing and seeing ourselves that we can connect with the true compass, with the real oracle. For the answer to whether something is loving to you is yours alone.
You will find that many times there is great resistance to that “being loving to yourself”. You just have to understand that it is not because it is wrong or dangerous, but because it is unknown. As you stand firm, that unknown will become your autopilot and the relationship with you will rise to greater stages of freedom.
Fly!
P.S. If you haven’t already done so, download for free and enjoy the e-book: How to achieve the habits you want?
