What is it that you really want?
Understanding True Desires
Indecision and lack of clarity overwhelm us and stress our system. Making the right decisions is challenging when we believe that achieving external goals will improve our life experience. Focusing on our goals makes sense as long as we’re clear about what they are. However, we often pursue objectives for what we think they will give us, rather than for the sake of the objectives themselves.
The If… Then… Model
We are hypnotized by the constant pressure of what we should want. Bombarded by external indicators and promises about the impact of achieving them, we think achieving XYZ will make us feel at peace, happy, or satisfied. If I achieve XYZ, I will be significant, important, or deserving. But that’s not the case!
The Inevitable Return to the Internal Baseline
How often have you reached a goal, enjoyed it briefly, and then felt the need for more? You achieve it, enjoy it for a bit, and then that inner voice comes back saying, “Yes, but…”
After significant highs, lows, or life changes, humans tend to quickly return to a relatively stable internal state. This tendency—known in psychology as the hedonic treadmill theory—shows that each time we achieve something, new goals and expectations arise, leaving us with the same internal baseline state we started with. Achieving goals does not have a lasting impact on our happiness. Our internal baseline state is independent of external circumstances or conditions.
What Do You Really Want?
Practical Exercise
- Make a list of achievements you want to reach, options you are considering, or things you think would improve your life experience.
- Next to each goal, write how you believe you would feel if you achieved it.
Examples:
- Having a partner: not alone
- Achieving X revenue goal: I would perceive myself as successful and that would make me feel at peace
- Having an impact on X number of people: I would perceive myself as important and that would make me feel grateful
- Earning X amount of money: free and happy
- Having a job with X characteristics: I would perceive myself as relevant and that would make me feel happy
The answer you reach is what you really want. Notice that what you want might not be the goal itself, but what you believe the goal will make you feel. You desire the effect you think achieving it will have on your internal state.
Elevating Your Baseline
We seek to elevate our life experience in a lasting way, but it’s frustrating to achieve goals only to realize the initial excitement is fleeting, and soon we return to the internal state we started with. We mistakenly jump to the conclusion that the next thing will finally fill the internal void.
How to Elevate the Baseline
The internal baseline does not elevate with external achievements. It is achieved by knowing our mind more; feeling our emotions deeply and without judgment; following our sensations and cultivating our joy, fulfillment, and mental peace from within.
“You cannot solve an internal problem with external action.” —SriKumar Rao
Addressing the internal involves nurturing the connection with yourself above all else. It means observing your mind, understanding its dynamics, and choosing the type of thoughts you want to nurture. It requires being true to yourself, maintaining coherence, being open to observing without rejection what is not so “pretty” about you and addressing it, and accepting yourself. It demands paying attention to your body’s signals and fostering thoughts, words, and actions that are loving towards you, which often means stopping running away from pain.
The more you cultivate that relationship with yourself and make that internal space pleasant, the better your life experience will be. Everything you achieve externally will be imbued with that energy, and the pursuit of goals will be for the enjoyment of the process itself rather than to fill a need or void. Do you notice the difference between the energy of lack versus that of completeness?
Reflect
- Go back to the previous exercise and reflect on each point: Am I doing/deciding/pursuing this for what I believe I will receive? Or for the pleasure of doing it?
- How could I start feeling that way now?
- What prevents me from feeling that way now?
Note: Don’t worry if you don’t have the answers. Trust that you have already given your mind the instruction to seek them.
Win from the Beginning
- Love for the pleasure of loving
- Give for the pleasure of giving
- Play for the pleasure of playing
- Do something new for the pleasure of following curiosity
Thus, you receive what you seek from the beginning. If you reach the goal, great; if not, that’s fine too.
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that acting from this place will diminish your aspirations, make you lazy, or something along those lines. Quite the contrary. When the return place is higher, you have the drive to achieve more and probably faster. What starts to move you is the pleasure of opening up each day for life to express itself through you and to contribute from there in all areas of your life. No action is small, no word wasted, nor gesture insignificant when done for pleasure, without a hidden intention of getting something in return. You don’t need to have it when you’ve already cultivated it inside.
If you haven’t read it the article “Do you need certainty in Decision-Making?“ can bring you some light as well.
Do you need and extra boost to get clarity and courage? you can try the following:
- If you feel ready to go deeper, the unblocking sessions are a hit.
- You can also buy the “Power Meditations Bundle” https://shareinnerlight.com/tienda/power-meditations-bundle/ for a mental rewire.
